Monday, January 24, 2005

Woes of Retail: Die you imprudent bitches DIEEE

Ran across this on Craig's List

As a young and somewhat naive person, I went into the field of retail full of bubbly hope and expectations. the money wasn't bad and i had plenty of time for school, among other things. yet here i am, after a long long long time of enduring the woes of retail, ranting about the asian, especially chinese customers that frequent the store i work at. these are just the sad sad truths that my feeble heart refused to admit but til now. top five most common price bargain reasons used by chinese customers

1. "I'm a loyal customer. I bought TWO pairs of shoes here since 1998, go check your records!!! " (it's not only sad but ridiculous that you even have the courage to say that you bought 2 fricking pairs of shoes over fricking 6 years.... go die while i finish that $600 sale over there)

2. "The old boss always give me big discount" (the old boss had a fetish for asian women, didn't know two crap about business management, and left over 6 years ago. pluh-lezzz)

3. "Can you take off the tax? I'm paying in cash" (Can the store just cheat the feds so that you save $12.38 and let our asses get raped by the IRS?)

4. "*In Chinese to me* Aiya, miss, just take 10% off the total, your boss wouldn't know. Just help out a Chinese person like me aiya" ( OMG! like, you are like, the only other Chinese person in like, the freaking entire city! OMGG!!! While we enjoy this reunion of our common heritage, why don't i drop onto the floor, spit shine your shoes and offer the entire cash register just because you're chinese?!?!? argh, moving on...)

5. "What? The coupon is expired by 3 weeks? Aiya just pretend it's still valid" ( well you know, milk spoiled over 3 weeks isnt that bad, as soon as you gulp down that sucker, i'll give you your expired 10% off. bitches)

Notes all customers should take notice of

1. Just because I am *young* and probably, in your perception, naive, do not try to give me a fricking hard time.

2. Chinese ladies: just because I speak chinese does not automatically establish any special relationship between us. Don't look all shocked just because *gasp* a young person actually speaks her native language! Just try on your damn shoes, i am not your stylist, do not talk to me about what province you came from, how nice it is there, how you adjusted to america, how your daughter looks like me, how you applied for citizenship, and how when you were young, you were a model student and a "school flower"

3. Be clean and wear the footsox please. No one wants to see your nasty ass un-pedicured feet. The footsox are disposable, when i hand them to you, do not give me an evil eye, as if i'm accusing your personal hygiene. better yet, do not take the footsox, and hide them under the chair/between the shoes/under your asscrack.

4. asian ladies: why do you care so much about my personal life? do you ask a salesperson at macy's how much they earn and if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no? then don't fricking ask me. and don't lecture me on how i'm too young to have a boyfriend blah blah blah. excuse you, i work, i pay for my own living expenses, and i'm not a fricking 16 year old. i will stab you in the eye with a shoe horn the next time you offer your unwanted advice.

5. lastly, to the asian women who always ask me if the shoes are made in china. please, you came in carrying fake gucci bags and knockoff dior pleather pants (of which the rhinestones were falling off of), tries to look all classy with a rich white guy in one arm and a bucket of makeup on your faces. IF you had ANY class or intelligence, you'd know that all the brands we carry are made in europe, mostly in England and Germany. besides, what does it matter if anything is made in china or not? you disgust me. by the way, you should probably chill on the chemical peels and shiseido anti wrinkle creams, your face shines brighter than all our fluroscent lights combined. goddamn.


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